Loving the job I have a disdain for

How does one reconcile the disdain they have for a job while still trying to appreciate it. Given consideration of today’s economy and job market I do not want to sound unappreciative…but my job is slowly siphoning my life and soul. The difficult part of it is the fact that I make really good $$ for the job that I do. I earn above the median income levels…not that that is a goal to shoot towards, but does serve as a benchmark. The problem with the job is it is lacking challenge. I have been at this job coming up on 5 years, which is the longest I’ve held a job. Usually around the 2-3 year mark I hit my shelf live. The job has become routine and is mindless. I also have issue with the politics of the organization. It is a non-profit so they are very egalitarian. There are some who I work with that routinely do about 2/3 less work, can spend multiple hours away from their desk and yet nothing comes of it. While I could just sit back and behave in the same manner something inside of me holds me back and pushes me forward to continue to work hard…all the while developing a seething resentment. It would be nice if I could take the mindset of doing just enough to get by because my pay will be the same regardless…there isn’t a reward for going above and beyond. Looking out at the job market today though, I would probably have trouble finding a job with similar pay that also offers an environment of not pushing oneself. Basically, it is easy money. And, I don’t believe I necessarily want to find another job. I would rather spend my time developing my own hustles….freelance and whatnot that allow me more time freedom, location freedom, etc. Also, my current job affords me the opportunity (if I exploit it…which I haven’t been) to develop my own hustles while still maintaining my income. I don’t want to face the difficulties of having no or much lowered income. I look at my step Dad (biological will have his own post) as well. He’s worked many years in construction and carpentry and is very skilled…however he’s experienced numerous layoffs and work slowdowns. His skills have allowed him to always find side jobs and word of mouth spreads, so he has been able to keep himself afloat through a patchwork of gigs. My Mom however pushed him to find a “40 week normal job”….in the trades those were difficult to come by. He did finally however land a job, but took a $10 per hour cut! Shit….he could have maintained his side gigs and worked half the time and still end up making the same if not more. I always tried to explain to my Mom how my Dad was better of working for himself, she just couldn’t come to grips with that and wanted the “security” of a 40 hour week job…even with significantly less $$ coming in. I just don’t get it? I don’t want to start applying to jobs and pretending to be a rockstar. Applying for another job wouldn’t be moving towards what I want, just moving away from…or more likely laterally to something just as unappealing.

I need to come to terms with this…I need to learn to let go of my frustrations with the job (realizing frustrations over having less $$ would be much worse) and really go balls to the walls and develop my hustles. I need to not lose respect for myself and realize I am doing what is necessary to move on with my life and not go backwards.


Reconciling with the past

Does being nostalgic over the past…even if it wasn’t pleasant keep someone mired in their current situation? While my life has improved much over the past decade (one would hope so)…I still find myself hanging onto remnants of things from the unpleasant part of my past…is it to remind me where I came from and to help motivate me to not get back to that place again….or, is it to remind me of my past and how I was and somehow keep me tied to that image?

Also, does ruminating over lost opportunities keep me from noticing and taking advantage of current opportunities? I find myself at times pondering lost opportunities…which I have no way of ever recapturing or magically taking action now that would change the past. What I need to learn to do is reframe my focus…yeah, I missed out on the opportunity, learn from that and apply it currently so there aren’t more opportunities I miss out on. The cliché’ “youth is wasted on the young” is oh so true.

Looking forward to better decisions and better life and letting go.

And the journey begins

This is the start of my journey or writing. I’m following Matt Forney’s 3 tier’s of online hustling and will be implementing lessons learned from his book “Confessions of an Online Hustler”  This will be a brain dump of my thoughts and lessons learned on RedPill, developing my dark triad, and going Galt and continue my manosphere journey. I hope you enjoy and look forward to feedback as I work to continue to improve myself.